ok

Well things seem to be going ok, to be honest Ive not had may anxiety attacks since coming off meds.
I do have runaway thoughts which i am trying to rationalise, but when things hurt all the time my mind gets carried away and invents the worst case scenario.

Lately thanks to the painkillers i have had trouble going to the loo, thanks to laxatives things seem to be moving at last but for 2 weeks I imagined I had bowel cancer because of the change in bowel habits.
There is always some rational thinking behind each fear which doesnt help, bowel habits have changed since coming off meds, going from mad dashes to loo and IBS symptoms to rabbit droppings, so thats where that fear has come from.

Also the back and groin pain are driving me crazy, and the inability to exercise. I know that doing it is only going to prolonge the pain and inflammation but I need to run....its my biggest acheivement and I dont want to give it up.

Am going to be sensible and go to the docs next week when weather is a little friendlier.

Course work is up and down....am well ahead in my study which helps to feel in control but having read a couple of chapters in Book 2, Plato and Poetry, i feel out of my depth and that i'll never understand it.
Luckily the history chapters are brilliant and right up my street but I still feel Im not going to have the intelligence to do this......tutorial next week if the roads are passable so that may bolster my confidence.

life is content apart from pain