Still ok

Well Im still doing ok. That is apart from bad back and strong painkillers.....dont like some of the effects but so desperate.

No real panics and no downers inspite of it being a full moon.
Course going ok.

Am eager to get back into exercising but am trying to be patient.

Wow

Well its been just over a week since i posted last. Have just re read my last pot and it was a real downer.

Apart from bad back and terrible constipation, things are ok.

Scott got to Australia and I was fine, no panics....in fact no panics for a while.

Got assignment results back, 68%, would have cared for more, but justified result.
Have done tma 02 and started tma03 and am in front with my reading, Tma03 is a bit harder or it maybe I have no confidence in my abilities.

Will keep plodding away.

up and down

Better day yesterday, well it was until my side started hurting...again!

Had the bright idea Id grab a quick run at the gym. Felt side twinge when I was running but as usual I ignored it and it did go away, but last night and today its burning like hell.

im not as jittery today but have absolutely no patience. Shouting at the dogs like a fish wife, had a moan at Scott inspite of it being his birthday and him jetting off to Oz next week.
Im sure the pain and the jitters about him going aren't helping my intolerence of everything.

I am getting increasingly pissed off with lack of consideration for others, not in me, in strangers. Drivers blocking roads, taxi drivers, litter droppers etc......I could just blow my top.

Have tried to study but have lost confidence and motivation. Tried to answer an assignment question but have no idea if Im on the right path as the first one isnt back yet and wont be for another week....god knows why, most of the other groups have had theirs and are working on the re writes.

Just had to answer the door, thought it was a delivery, which would have been fine, but it turned out to be scrap dealer.....if it had been the local Joh bo's they would have been given a right rounf of fuck's. i hate being made to answer the door when Im doing something just for them...Piss off and stop shoving your beliefs down other peoples throats... I dont go to their house and disturb them...

Ah Im ranting but I really want to just say Fuck Off to everything today!

Maybe a bit better day

Yesterday was hell. I dont know if it was the worst day since coming off the tablets but its definatelty in the running.
Cant understand how bad it was. Felt so out of control and thought I may go crazy,,,jees really scary

Had a better nights sleep and do feel a bit calmer.
Weather is completely rubbish, dark very windy and raining.
Off to the smoke so once that is done I'll be happier.

Have started on Vit D and HTP so maybe they will help but not for a while eh same old same old.

Went to gym last night and did good workout which usually really lifts me...didnt have big effect last night but glad I went and did it.
See how today pans out

Not too clever

Well Im quite low and very jittery today. Could just cry or shout and yell at the drop of a hat. Am jumping out of my skin and I feel like being on my own and shutting everything out.

Slept rubbish last night and have been really run down lately and what with the dark miserable weather on top I think its getting to me.

First reaction is to run back to the meds as I am so scared of slipping back too far.

Am going to see if the days get a bit better, am also off to get some Vit D and HTP as ive read they help lift mood. Worth a try.

Bad Day

Dont know why but feel ovewhelmed and down today.

Am so fed up with feeling crappy, ths lurgy thing hasnt quite gone and Im worn out. Side and back is herting and nast headache again.oh woe is me....

Ah well tomorrow will be better.

oh oh

Bit of a bad day jitter wise.

Still feel crap, sneezing, headache. so very tired and nausea.

Still worrying before I have anything to worry about and still feeel I should be there to help people close to me regardless of the cost to me.
Still worried about the cost to me instead of just helping people

Prue is waiting for her lovely Daisy to have her first litter of pups and it looks like it will be a middle of the night job. After last time I hate to think of Prue going through it on her own but too worried about the anxiety to offer to be there and so feel shit about myself.

Also sad about Rosie and wish I could help but just feel awful her family are going through this sadness, or will be.

These things just upset and worry me so much I feel like I am never going to be strong again enough to deal with what life throws at me.

so far so good

Well im not posting as much so that either means Im good or really bad, and at the mo Im good.
Well apart from this damn lurgy which wont quite go, Ive had headache for the best part of a week and its making me mardy.

Am still having the scarey thoughts but am still trying to ignore them.
Not been to Drs yet bout lack of weight loss.
Still extremely tired.

Jitters

Well just lately things have been fine. Dealing with most things ok.
This week is the time of the month and my thoughts have gone daft again....worried that horrible things will happen to those close to me and feel I have to warn them to make them more careful.

I havent given in this time and told anyone, I am trying to let it sort itself out. I know im always looking for worst case synarios and I always feel that if something good is happening then something bad is gonna follow it so Im not to get happy. Weird.

Feel greasy and bloated. No weight loss. Going to get Docs app this week. At physio tomorrow as back is a bit of a sod at the mo.